I'm here to talk about a dream I had this morning. I had this dream after I woke up for the first time this morning but then fell back to sleep. Those are usually the most vivid dreams for me. This one was no exception.
I was in an office setting which seemed to be at my former employer. Many of the same people were there but there were also faces I didn't recognize - not my dream self but my real self. A former boss of mine was also there but she wasn't actually my boss.
During this dream, I felt depressed and was very, very sad. It would be my last day alive since I had plans to commit suicide that night.
Now, let me say right here, I am in no way considering suicide. I've only done that one time in my life, a very long time ago and a sweet little white puppy dog changed my mind for me. I was laying on the couch, considering how I would do it when my dog came in, put his paws on the edge of the couch and looked as me as if to ask what was wrong. I knew right then that I couldn't do that to him. Leave him all alone like that. So, I didn't. Haven't ever considered it since, seriously or otherwise.
Anyway, in the dream, it seemed that everyone knew I was planning to do this but instead of trying to talk me out of it, everyone seemed to be waiting to see if I'd actually do it or not. I think there might have even been a pool going with people betting on the outcome. I knew this, which really didn't help at all. They all thought it was an empty threat.
As the day wore on and the time approached, I found myself thinking of excuses for not doing it. The feeling I had was that I didn't want the other people to believe themselves to be right that I didn't have the guts to actually do it. It was like I thought I had to because I said I was going to and I didn't want people to think less of me if I didn't go through with it.
I woke up before the dream came to an end and while I thought about it and why I might have had it, I felt strongly that this was something I needed to share.
If you know or think you know someone who is considering suicide, please, please talk to them. Let them know that someone will care if they are no longer in their life. Or if you are someone who is considering it, please reach out to someone else, talk about it. Leave a comment down below and I'll talk to you.
Suicide is never the answer to any problem. It is final. You can't take it back once it is done. Every life is precious and valuable and every person on this planet has something to contribute.
Don't keep your pain to yourself. Share it. Call a help line. Go to a medical facility. Tell someone you hurt so bad that you want to make it stop, even if it means taking your own life.
I know that's easy for me to say since I am not in that same place right now, but I was in that place once. While it wasn't another human who pulled me back from the brink, it was someone I believe was sent to save me. So, maybe visit an animal shelter. Volunteer to spend time with the animals. Who knows? You might find your savior right there like I did.
Let's face it. Human beings can be complete and total jerks but many animals - dogs, cats, even horses - will love us unconditionally if only we pay them a bit of attention. So go volunteer at an animal shelter.
Or volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. If nothing else, seeing your fellow humans in such circumstances and giving them some hope might just help you to see your own life in a new light.
I hope this doesn't sound trite or overly preachy. I just really felt that someone out there needed this. And I'm serious about putting in a comment down below and I will talk to you. Just let me know you're there.